i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize