Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
