He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
