I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
