So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
