There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
