All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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