saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
