I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Houston, we have a squirter
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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