well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
