so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
