I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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