You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
