who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
