I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
