that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
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