it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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