What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
