my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
