omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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