I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
