mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
be right there i have to get my cape
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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