I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
