also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Tornado booty call.. dedication
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
