Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Can Purell be used as lube?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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