Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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