I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
