i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
