Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Be still, my beating vagina.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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