...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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