arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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