Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
