Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
