Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
