I love black thongs
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
