dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
