So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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