apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
