i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
