New low: just hacked my moms facebook
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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