haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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