Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
