That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
