No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
ok first of all what the fuck
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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