I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
