Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
