Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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