I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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