Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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