The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
