Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize