Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
