that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
