Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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