I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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