i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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