maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
