Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
