Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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