i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
