ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
