life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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