I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
