I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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