I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
