No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
