Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
