This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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